Vampire Movies Still Suck

Just in time for Halloween (as of this writing; it's not our fault you don't keep up with things), it's Mr. Satanism's latest, greatest [citation needed] film guide, the long-awaited [citation needed] followup to his first brilliant [citation...okay, you get it] vampire film guide Vampire Movies Suck! Featuring no-nonsense reviews of some of the rarest, weirdest vampire and vampire-adjacent flicks out there, including Ferat Vampire (a vampire car!), Invasion of the Blood Farmers (blood-chugging druids!), Night Trap (the video game that's also a movie but not really), Castle of Doom (reputedly a "e;lost"e; film; *snorts derisively*), and many, many more! So what are you waiting for? And don't forget to buy an extra copy for your goth girlfriend. You're on pretty thin ice with her from what we've heard.