Behind the Facade

The layers of thought are many and tightly bound, like layers of an onion. The onion grows and evolves with time. Each layer protects the one underneath. Some layers are sweet, others raw and pungent. Some will make you cry while others may make you laugh. The story I share is one where my layers are peeled back. One by one, my story will unfold. At times the story maybe triggering, but it's my reality the life that I live, the life that I breathe.

Childhood experiences planted the onion seed. Abuse a house at war and an internal war I was oblivious to. Interspersed with these layers were layers of Joy, and happiness. Over time the layers grew in thickness and quantity. The onion was forming. The layers sheltered the child inside, protecting me from harm.

Or, so I thought...

My teenage years witnessed the layers grow thicker. The memories became etched in my skin and entrenched in my mind. My battles with the Black Dog had begun. A battle I fight to this day.

My adult life arrived without me knowing. I worked the pub doors to avoid drinking. Epic fail. I hid in the gym; my wall must be strong. But poor foundations made it susceptible to damage. I battled on and the onion kept growing.

In my mid 20's, life shifted again. I was married and had a house but not a home. I hoped for the positive layers unlike those of my past. Little did I know what was to unfold as the years passed me by. My two girls entered my life. A truly life altering experience. My world now revolved around these two heart beats. They are the reason I wake, why I breathe.

But things changed and relationships deteriorated.

Who would think a family holiday can shift one's world? Not just a bit, but monumentally. Life was not as it appeared. The onion layers, combined with the façade, hid many secrets. These secrets became too great for the facade to withstand. It came crashing down at my feet. The facade I had built failed, and my soft underbelly was exposed. Life turned upside down. Shifts in all directions. But not just my life, the life of my family and friends. The person they knew was no more. The onion layers were peeled back and new layers started growing.

My past has shaped the person I am today. I'm far from perfect, but who is?